Christmas Roses

Christmas roses, originally uploaded by Digital Evangelist.

This is the Rose Bush that was placed above my Sisters ashes. It is Christmas Day and these are the only blooms not shipped in from Africa!

Christmas day was also her husbands 50th Birthday!

She should be here

Today we were visited by your family to share Christmas.

We exchanged presents and shared food.

In Becky we can see alot of you not just in features but also in manner.

Your family gave my girls another Christmas Day in which they recieved just what they wished for and spent time in excellent company!

I was given a photo album that shows my family just how close we were when younger and just had bad my hair has always been!

At that was missing was you to share this day with us, to add the little comments that would have made us all laugh, to give time and space to all around so that we would have all been happy, and to balme for the burnt food because with you here we would have forgotten the speed of time.

This first Christmas has been hard for us all but we have tried to make it pass without the wrong type of tears!

No more christmas cards

We got our Christmas card it was signed from you but only becuase Tony had done so. I realise that I will no longer recieve the usual cards with you writing on the girls birthdays and holidays. But this is the first time that we recieved one without you.

At this busy time we have been rushing around occupied with preparing for what should be a happy perriod but this year will not be so because you are gone.

No chats on the phone on Christmas day sharing what has happenend whilst seperated by distance but this year we are seperated by distance that we cannot cover by a phone call.

We will try and celebrate as you would have wanted us to, with a smile and lots of chocolate!

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

Today we committed your ashes to the the earth and as we did so I was asked to read from the book of Proverbs Chapter 31...

31:10. Who shall find a valiant woman? far, and from the uttermost coasts is the price of her.

31:11. The heart of her husband trusteth in her, and he shall have no need of spoils.

31:12. She will render him good, and not evil all the days of her life.

31:13. She hath sought wool and flax, and hath wrought by the counsel of her hands.

31:14. She is like the merchant’s ship, she bringeth her bread from afar.

31:15. And she hath risen in the night, and given a prey to her household, and victuals to her maidens.

31:16. She hath considered a field, and bought it: with the fruit of her hands she hath planted a vineyard.

31:17. She hath girded her loins with strength, and hath strengthened her arm.

31:18. She hath tasted, and seen that her traffic is good: her lamp shall not be put out in the night.

31:19. She hath put out her hand to strong things, and her fingers have taken hold of the spindle.

31:20. She hath opened her hand to the needy, and stretched out her hands to the poor.

31:21. She shall not fear for her house in the cold of snow: for all her domestics are clothed with double garments.

31:22. She hath made for herself clothing of tapestry: fine linen, and purple, is her covering.

31:23. Her husband is honourable in the gates, when he sitteth among the senators of the land.

31:24. She made fine linen, and sold it, and delivered a girdle to the Chanaanite.

The Chanaanite... The merchant, for Chanaanite, in Hebrew, signifies a merchant.

31:25. Strength and beauty are her clothing, and she shall laugh in the latter day.

31:26. She hath opened her mouth to wisdom, and the law of clemency is on her tongue.

31:27. She hath looked well on the paths of her house, and hath not eaten her bread idle.

31:28. Her children rose up, and called her blessed: her husband, and he praised her.

31:29. Many daughters have gathered together riches: thou hast surpassed them all.

31:30. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: the woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31:31. Give her of the fruit of her hands: and let her works praise her in the gates.

As you have passed away the pain has not dimed for you were loved! The hurt that we feel is now not as raw put it is still painful.

Ricky with Brandon

Ricky with Brandon, originally uploaded by Digital Evangelist.

A photo of My sister and her Grandson on the day that he was born earlier this year.

An act of rememberence

How to remember you.

As we prepare a plot in which to remember you, the question is how best to do so?

Shall I build a monolith high into the sky?
Or a Bench?
Plant a tree or a shrub?
A Headstone?
A Cairn of bright stones?
A Prayer Flag?

Just what is a suitable monument to your life?

How will be capable of opening it up to others who may also wish to remember?

How can I celebrate your life?

Will it be money well spent or should I limit it to something smaller?

I know that you would see the expense as a waste and rather that I use it to look after those that have survived. However I feel that I should purchase something that marks your passing and provides a place where we can meet and lift our hearts when we are low.

Missing you

Today I bought you a christmas present without thinking
Yesterday I wrote your name along with Tony, Sarah & Jon in a Christmas card
Today I told the kids that we were going to Ricky's house

I know that you have passed away and yet at this time of year I cannot bring myself to understand that you are gone.

I know that you have passed away but I think that you have just gone away and will return.

It gets easier when we sit and talk.

Strong together

Your passing has left a whole.

The void we try to fill with love but we do not have as much as you.

Your daughters stand strongly by your husband's side it would fill your heart with pride just how they are doing.

I try to help them walk through this test, I will support them.

When the rage comes all I can say is that we all did our best to give you support and comfort towards the end. At this moment we are still in shock that the end was just too quick.

We will never know just why you fell ill or if we acted sooner if you could still be with us.

We must live each day as it comes and try not to build a shrine rather we must act as you would have done.