loss

I found your card today it opened up the flood again
I cried that I had let you down now that you are gone I will not make the same mistake with those that you are close to
Once again your family show how well you raised them
The girls are giving and Dad is coping

Those that we were far from have proved why they are best kept a long way off showing that they have no spirt of kindness or ability to cry anything but crocodile tears

What kind of parent is incapable of a single tear, who can ask that a child does not cry for a mother because it is upsetting, why attend a funeral if all that you can do is run away?

Anger & Frustration

I lashed out at those that have stayed away
Why do they act in such a way that offends
How do they have a heart that is set in stone
Why do they act to save face when confronted when their actions so far have been wanting

How can others close to you forget how those that have offended and are happy to forgive
When will the nightmare end and once again we return to remember what a good life you lived and who you lived it with
I miss the only sister that I have and feel the need to protect those that she held dear even if it means dealing with the toxic remains of our family I just hope that their departure carries as much pain as yours knowing as I do that their passing will not be missed or morned

Goodbye

Today we said goodbye to your body
So many came that they had to stand at the back
In your memory we passed around a box of sweets to share

Your family stood tall resplendent in their best
Strong together for each other along with tears we had a laugh
Those that cared went off together to remember and share

We are still in shock at your sudden departure
Now we must help daughters and sons to morn a mother

We are pulling together

Numb at times we push on
Guilt at our lack of tears
Proud that others whom have shown compassion for your passing

Your dear husband continues to show love and understand for all around
Your daughters demonstrate that a mothers love is passed on
Your son in law stands strong protecting and loving your family as if it were blood

I have found that the clock ticks slower
More excepting of those around
Prepared to go out of my way to see that others are looked after
I am heavy of heart but light of step

I now understand just how you shared your love with others and it makes a difference

Oh how you are loved!

When we say goodbye there will be over one hundred from your company dressed in their best.

You would be shy at this show of effection but we our proud at just who wants to to demonstrate that you are missed.

My friends do not run and hide but ask why I cried and on hearing of my loss have join me in my tears.

Others long forgotten have tracked us down to say that the feel a loss profound.

Although I have not slept for long my temper has gone, I have time for others and will not be pushed into rage.

I will be tempted to unleash my anger on those who have cried crocodile tears and were conspicuous in absence whoes behaviour I cannot set aside. But now is not the time for I mourn for you and do not wish to dilute my grief with hate.

Those that need my help will not have to ask. They will discover me at their shoulder facing with them all their fears.

A Life well lived

In writing about the good we have the opportunity to purge the pain of the last few years.

How our memory recalls fragments and in talking we can all raise a smile in all as we recall just what is was that made my sister a special being.

When we gather I can see that her daughters have the traits of their mum and the beliefs of both their parents this is a family that functions. That is what my sister would be proud of most.

People ask me how is my sister, and I have to say that she is no more. They say they are sorry for my loss but they don't know just what I have lost.

How will we distill a life so full?

We must remember what my sister would have wanted, she was a shy person who did not like a fuss.

A Eulogy of Love

I will speak of my sister's life as she would want it heard.

I will make sure that those that she has touched are fully informed of where she came from and what she achieved. I will speak with pride about why I have cried for her passing. I will set aside for now my anger that those who let her down but I will not forget those who have run and hid when my sister was in need.

Not for me to be her biographer, it is more than that I will evangelise her credo.

How to comfort a girl who has lost her mother?

How to help a son who has lost his mother?

It does not get better with time you just find that others distract you with their demands. Like an amputee you always sence the loss and it hurts. But talking helps providing it is not about the passing to remember why she was special.

My Sense of Loss

So after a long battle my sister has passed away.

Taken from her loving friends and family once the pain became too much to bare.

This weekend my tears have gone from stream to flood.

Others who have done more have told me that I have been a rock. If this is so why do I feel I have not done enough?

I will stand up and help my sister's family and try and live my life as she would wish.

She was far better than me when it came with dealing with people. I am sure that she will fill the halls when we say good bye. She will be upset that we cry I hope that she knows why.

I will keep her memory fresh by posting here.